The Base Makes the Friend

Just a couple days ago I spent about two hours on the phone with my grandmother and we discussed marriage and dating. My grandma and grandpa’s story start well before they were born, in Mexico. Both sides knew each other and grew up with each other. When my grandfather was six years old he and his family moved to the states, a couple of years later at six months old my grandmother came to the states with her family. They grew up apart until the ago of sixteen when they were reunited. From that ago to about eighteen they became best friends. During that time, they dated other people and even had a few relationships. When my grandmother was nineteen my grandfather realized just how cute my grandma really is, they started dating. A couple of years later they were sealed in the Los Angeles temple for all time and eternity. Despite many complications they were able to have two children. At the age of thirty-two my grandmother lost her best friend. My grandfather passed away.

Almost ten years later my grandmother met her second husband. A couple years of dating later they were married. I was three.

To me the most beautiful thing about her relationships were the friendships that were the base. The importance of having the right base is so crucial. When Jonathan and I started dating is was purely physical. We both quickly said, “I love you”, and spent every second on the phone talking about things that didn’t really matter. It was terrible. I was convinced that it was meant to be. It wasn’t till we realized we really didn’t know anything about each other, that we realized we didn’t love another… we loved being together physically… a terrible combination.

Before I came to college we had a serious talk about what we wanted to do with our relationship. Did we want to continue? Did we want to date other people? Could we trust each other to be faithful?

We decided we liked one another enough to see where it would go. The distance was a curse and a blessing. We actually had to talk to each other, pretty crazy right! After that first semester of college he and I realized that we meant so much to each other. A couple of month later we realized that it wasn’t love we were feeling, it was lust. Now we are five months away from being together for three years. The first year was a crazy mess. The last two years have been a perfect, crazy, fun, challenging relationship.

The reason for the change in our relationship is due to our active dating. Going out and planning activities, with different experiences that bring different results. Now as we move towards marriage (we are not currently engaged) we discuss important things such as our up brings and the different habits we have. Over the years we see how our family reacts to our relationship and understand the boundaries we have of our personal lives. Over the years we have become best friends, through honesty and understanding. Mutual honesty is the only way this works.

Hope for the best, expect the worst, don’t be surprised by anything in between.