Events do not create emotions; your thoughts create emotion. - M.Williams (my professor)
This week in my family relations class we discussed family
crisis and how events affect the family. It brought up a lot of hard memories
that although they happened decades ago it has been difficult to truly let go
of the pain that came with those events. When I was very young my parents
divorced. Everyone thought I was too young to understand so there were never
any real conversations about what was happening to my family. I have not talked
to my biological father ever since. Emotionally my mother was not available.
When all this happened I because very detached from my mother and became very
attached to my grandmother, whom I still share a close bond with. Despite the
attachment that was created between my grandmother and I, I still felt alone
and lost and became very depressed.
Now this was a very difficult situation that required
emotional intelligence that I truly did not possess. As I grew emotionally and
after a slightly rude awakening from my grandmother I quickly learned that my attitude
was controlling how I felt. Yes, the feelings I had were valid, there is no
question in that, but I needed to decide if I was going to let this situation
that I had no control of, control my life.
I remember saying to myself “You need stability, be your own
stability.” My grandmother had just remarried so she was busy building and strengthening
a relationship. I was left alone quite often, which only intensified my
feelings. Being my own stability was what I used to survive for the time being.
Time went on and I grew up, the relationship between my mother and I began to heal,
and we became closer. I then had the stability I had always craved.
In reflection of my past I see that in the middle of the
crisis my family retracted and avoided the situation. Theoretically we could
say it was a cultural limitation, I am Mexican- American. In the Latin culture
we often see ridicule for the expression of feelings. There can be deep shame of
a failed marriage, as well as communication issues. When I told myself to be my
own stability… that was just a Band-Aid that long term, if not corrected, could
have been a fatality in all future relationships. The reproductions can still
be seen but as the relationship between my mother and I continue to be strengthened
through practiced communications the gaps close.
The event has gone and passed, but the emotions I carried
for so many years have changed. Your attitude makes all the difference.
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