Going on Dates… Not Hanging Out

This week in my class we discussed dating. When I heard that we shouldn't just hang out, I agreed but thought of my own relationship and how for so long we were failing at this… My boyfriend and I started dating when we were in high school, unfortunately my family was not supportive which made dating virtually impossible. For about a year we “hung out” at my house where we could be under constant surveillance. At the time I didn’t mind, I was able to be around him and that was all that mattered to me. We spent time together and learned a lot of the simple things, family history, friends, school, goals etc. I thought I knew him like the back of my hand. Well I was wrong, I didn’t know him. I didn’t know his personality. About a little past our two-year anniversary I was back home for my winter break, at this point we had gone out on a few dates here and there but it was never a planned thing. Well Valentines Day was coming up and we decided to split up the day. He would plan the afternoon date and I would plan the evening date. It was the sweetest thing. In the afternoon we went to our local donut shop, then went to the grocery store and picked up a loaf of bread then we went to the park and fed the ducks. We then went to our own homes and got ready for our dinner date. I made a traditional Mexican candle lit dinner and we then went to the movies. It was a great night. We made it a goal to not be on our phones (which usually happened) and just focus on each other. We were able to reconnect and get to know each other in a different way.

Right before I came back to school we went out on a date that was probably the most stressful date I had ever been on. It was my turn to plan the date, so I decided we would do a classic dinner and a show. He had been wanted to see a certain movie that I wasn’t completely interested in, but I knew he would like the gesture, I went ahead and bought the tickets at a theater we don’t normally go too. I told him to be at my house at 6:00pm because the movie would be starting at 6:45pm. I knew I needed to tell him to be there earlier than anticipated because he has a tendency to be late, not his fault just outside forces that cause lateness. Anyway, he didn’t get to my house till 6:45pm. I was so upset. Side note: I don’t like being late... he got to my house in his car all smiles. Which made me even more upset. I explained to him that the movie had already started, and I had bought the tickets early as a surprise. He apologized, and we left. While we were looking for a place to park I was trying to calm down because I didn’t want my temper to interfere with the night. He knew I was still upset and was very distracted, while in the process of trying to make the night better he nearly hit another car. We then parked in a limited time area and went inside. We were able to trade our tickets for a later show luckily, but for floor seats verses the middle section seats I had reserved. At this point we were both trying to make the best of it, but underneath was feeling hurt and frustrated. While watching the movie I was checking my watch constantly, I was so worried we were going to get a ticket. I was paranoid thinking of the worse that could happen. He noticed how anxious I was feeling and said we could leave a little early, we missed the last fifteen minutes. When we went out to the car we realized that we both read the sign wrong and that we still had half an hour before anything could happen. I didn’t want to make this any worse and said we should just go home, he agreed. While on our way home we realized we were so hungry. So, we stopped at diner. While sitting down across from each other we were quiet. Then we both looked up and started to apologize. We felt so bad that we let our frustrations get the best of us. After that we started to joke around and laugh. We learned so much that night. So much about each other and ourselves.

Hanging out and Dating are two very different things. If I hadn’t gone on those dates I couldn’t have seen my true feelings for him and for myself. Hanging around doesn’t provide experiences that bring different emotions and our personalities. I can attest that dating has helped me really get to know my partner and our relationship.