As humans we need contact; physical, emotional, spiritual, etc.
We are social beings and being isolated causes tremendous amounts of harm. We
have seen in many studies that lack of contact can cause so much harm to our
natural human development.
When we were children the simple pat on the back would sooth
and bring emotional regulation.
When I was very I was attacked and abused physically. It
affected me in more ways than I could have imagined. I became very distant and did
not trust those around me. Being Latin, it became a problem. When I attended church
functions I often was approached by many with open arms to embrace and kiss on
the cheek. Since the incident that I had unfortunately experienced, I became
very distant. I would stiffen when those around me would approach me and in an effort
to not be rude I would allow them to embrace me. At home hugging and kissing
are not customary. Those things are reserved for young children and significant
others. Everyone in between is somewhat excused except for the event of a greeting
or farewell for a long period of time.
When I first came to college I was incredibly surprised.
I had entered a culture that does not hug and kiss strangers
as greeting. At first it surprised me and then I was happy. I no longer needed
to endure the difficult vulnerability. After a couple of weeks, I began to feel
depressed I didn’t know what was wrong or how to pin point it, so I labeled it
as homesickness.
One day I came home, and my best friend/ roommate had been
crying. She was feeling immense stress from her classes and was missing home.
She came up to me and asked if she could hug me. So, I reached out my arms and
she came close for an embrace. Then I began to cry. I didn’t realize it, but I
needed that hug just as much as she did…
Nonsexual touch is so important. Holding hands, hugs, even
sitting next to someone. Human contact is so important for emotional support as
well as emotional regulation. When it comes to children it seems like such a no
brainer, but we forget. When children reach adolescents, it is so easy to overlook
the preteen and assume they no longer want you near them (which may be a little
true to a certain extent) but just a simple squeeze of the arm can speak
volumes.
